It's Ok. Really.

I've had so many people ask me lately about my plans for Christmas. "Is your family coming?" When I reply that no, my parents were here for Thanksgiving, the next question is "So when do you leave to go to NY?" My response of 'I'm not going to NY this year' causes shock and alarm. So I explain that in a normal year (ie- one that I'm not running to NY every other month), my sister and I share custody of our parents. The year that I get them for Thanksgiving, she gets them for Christmas. The following year it's the reverse- she will have them for Thanksgiving and I'll have them for Christmas.

What that means is the years I have them for Thanksgiving, Christmas is my alone holiday. Sure, there have been years that I've gone to NY for Christmas, but that is not a regular occurrence. When I tell the inquirer that this Christmas will just be Erich and I and maybe his parents, I get a lot of sympathy. It's really unnecessary. I'm ok.

It wasn't until I read a friends' blog yesterday that I realized why I'm ok. She lost her mother suddenly this spring. She wrote that her Father passed away in early 1990, and they all knew that Christmas 1989 was his last. Even though they tried to make the best of it, she said it still was gloomy. I totally get that! Last year, I flew to New York for the family Christmas party. Grandma had received a grim diagnosis, and I think deep down most of us knew it was her last Christmas. None of us actually said it. We put on smiles and Santa hats and took twenty times the pictures we normally would have taken. Every single child, grandchild, and great-grandchild made it to the party- quite a feat with the size of our family and the fact that we are scattered across the Eastern US. While I know it made her happy to see everyone there, she also knew why we were there. Grandma was dying so we all went home. The spectre hung over the festivities like a lead balloon.

This year, even though my Christmas will be with my Ohio family, I'm still very excited. I've been prepping for a month. I'm throwing myself into my baking again. There are some presents under the tree. I'll get my big gift from my parents next September- we're taking a family vacation to Disney World. Erich rarely gets me a gift, and I already gave him his. We'll spend time opening the gifts I bought for the dogs. But I'm still excited about it. I'm excited about being able to spend the next two weekends baking. I don't have to go anywhere. Just me, my kitchen, and obscene amounts of flour, sugar, and butter. On Christmas morning, there will be no hustling around. I could honestly stay in my pajamas all day if I want. I can watch my favorite movies, snuggle with my beagles, and look at my tree. Truthfully, after all the frequent flier miles I've racked up in the past 16 months, this sounds very inviting.

So when I tell you we're having a quiet Christmas, there's no need for sympathy. It's still going to be a wonderful Christmas, and I think this year quiet is just what my soul needs.