Security

Everyone has something that makes them feel secure. Some people achieve that feeling when they have money put aside for a rainy day. For others it comes with a roof over their head. Still others opt for more simple things: cuddling with a favorite stuffed animal or wrapping yourself up in your blanket a la Linus.

For me, it's having a full refrigerator. I'm not talking about a refrigerator filled with leftovers- that is just depressing. The moment that makes me feel happy and content is when we've recently gone grocery shopping. When I see the refrigerator full of things to make for dinner such as chicken or beef, or when one shelf is full of cold cuts for sandwiches- that's when I feel secure.

I don't know why a full refrigerator fills me with a sense of peace. We always had more than enough food growing up. We knew not everyone was as blessed. My mom never cared how many people came for dinner. There were plenty of nights that six or eight of us crowded around our small round kitchen table.

The women in my family are nurturers. We can fix anything with food. This is true on both sides of the family. Have you seen movies or TV shows of big families, with Aunts' saying "You're so thin! Eat!"? This is my family. It seemed Grandma Wager was always cooking. Mom has similar memories of Grandma's mother. My own mother cooks up a storm. On Dad's side, when we have a party, it's usually 'bring a dish'. When you have 30 people bringing dishes you end up with a lot of food. I've had a few times in my life when people felt I was too thin and encouraged me to eat. There are plenty of other times when I wasn't too thin, but they still encouraged me to eat. Whenever you walked into Grandma Primeau's house, she asked 'do you want something to eat?' She didn't cook like my Grandma Wager did, but she always had food in the house. In all of our houses- either of my Grandparents' houses or Mom's, if you stopped by to visit at dinner time, it was expected that you would pull up a chair and fix a plate.

My sister shares this nurturing by food. When she sees someone who is so thin they look sick, my sister says "I just want to hand them a sandwich". So maybe that's why a full refrigerator makes me happy. By genetics, I'm someone who nurtures with food. When the refrigerator is full, I feel prepared. I also like that we have options. I usually plan out my meals in advance, but it is still nice to know if I change my mind at the last minute, there is a Plan B.

I think it also appears to my creative side. A full refrigerator means possibilities. I do experience that same heady feeling looking at the full refrigerator as I do when I stand in the yarn aisle at the craft store. The raw materials are just waiting for me to put my touches on them and create something wonderful. If you know me well, that should have made you laugh. I cook to survive. I'm not a gourmet cook. Although I rarely hear any complaints!

I told Erich last night that the full refrigerator made me happy. This week, specifically, he had been to the store and bought cold cuts. We had fresh turkey, fresh maple ham, fresh American cheese and fresh Swiss cheese. It all looked so inviting. Yet I had already eaten dinner, so I knew it would have to wait until tonight. He kind of laughed at me, thinking I was a little silly to be excited over deli meat. Today he went to Kroger and bought roast beef and Vermont cheddar cheese. I came home, planning to have a turkey, ham, bacon, and Swiss club melt, and suddenly I had even more options. When I asked him if he bought the additional items because I said the cold cuts made me happy, and he just smiled. He also bought a bag of Dove chocolates, so I do think he was trying to make me happy. Then again, maybe he was just hungry!