A Gift to Myself

Readers of my daily blog and friends know I celebrated my 35th birthday earlier this week. 35??? Who approved that?? I don't know why 35 bothered me so much. Age is like your dress size- it's just a number. It doesn't define you. 35 is just a placeholder for the next year of my life.

But it's caused me to do a lot of thinking and soul-searching. The result is an important decision about my future.

I have always dreamed of being a writer. My parents have always been very supportive, encouraging me to write. They have always told me that I have a gift. For many years, I didn't believe them. I thought they were just doing what parents do- believing in their children.

I have grown as a writer, particularly in the past few years. When I was in high school, I wouldn't read my own stories or poems to the Creative Writing class. I would let someone else read them, but I couldn't bare to read them myself. My writing comes from my heart, and I felt that revealing such a deep, personal part of me left me incredibly vulnerable.

Slowly I have overcome this fear. I've been writing monthly columns for the magazine at work for the past two years. This magazine is read by all our members, prospects, and whomever else finds a copy. It goes out to several thousand people each month. Sure, my articles are about benefits we offer to our members, but it's still putting myself out there.

Then I started blogging. I don't know what possessed me to start sharing my posts on Facebook. There was a part of me that asked 'what are you thinking? You are inviting people to read your writing'. I still had a lot of doubt about my abilities, even though my friends consistently provided positive feedback. In fact, my friends were just as encouraging as my parents. I started thinking maybe everyone was right. When complete strangers started complimenting me, the doubts fell away like a shroud.

My confidence has been building. It reached a new high a few weeks ago. I recently won a book, The Diva Doctrine, by Patricia V. Davis through a blog giveaway hosted by one of my friends. Patricia friended me on Facebook. I read a blog post she wrote, which partially inspired my post about self-esteem issues in girls. I then shared the link to my post on her wall! The writer sitting in her room in high school, scribbling away in notebooks that she then hid from others thought it was absolutely bold of me to think a published author would be interested in anything I wrote. But that author did read my post, as did others.

Around the same time, I edited a book for a friend. She's already published one book, and is working on her second. I guess the increased confidence in my writing, the inspiration provided by my friend, and that horrible number that was looming over my birthday created a sort of perfect storm of writing. I've wanted to publish books for so long, what am I waiting for?

So, I am happy to announce I've set a goal for myself. I will have my first book published by the end of the year. I don't expect it will be a best seller which will leave me swimming in riches. It will fulfill a dream, and hopefully be the first of many. No longer am I going to say 'someday I'll be published'. Someday has come. It is my birthday gift to myself.