Outnumbered

My Dad has been outnumbered for 35 years. He grew up in a family of four boys and four girls. But once he had his own family, he was outnumbered. When my sister completed the family, it was 3 females to Dad. Grandpa Wager used to say they stood a chance when we were visiting my Grandparents in Florida, because it was 5 females and 2 guys. Of course, Grandpa was joking when he said this.

My father survived living in a house with three women and one bathroom. Yes. One. No half bath on the second floor or in the basement. One full bathroom. He endured countless sleepovers, getting ready for parties and special events, and worst of all- two weddings! He always said we kept him waiting, but when it was time to go, we'd be in the car and he stepped back into the house to use the bathroom. Looking back, it was probably the only chance he got!

Mom and Dad have been married for 36 1/2 years. They raised two strong-willed women. He's got a strong-willed granddaughter. So by now, you'd think he'd be used us. Last week, we all conspired against him. It was for a good cause!

Four years ago, Dad suffered a life-altering injury on the job. The machine he was working on was sitting on ice. He had moved it, and thought he had it off the ice, but he didn't. As he was walking around the machine, he fell. All of the muscles in his leg were pulled apart. The surgeon told my mom it would not be a typical surgery, he basically had to reconnect every muscle in dad's leg. The surgeon did not think Dad would walk again. Dad was out of work for about six months. He went through extensive and very painful rehab. It is really through Dad's pure determination that he was able to walk again. He worked at his rehab well past the point of pain, and kept going when other people would have given up. He has a limp, and he has pain in the leg every day. He was left with a permanent disability, and knows that in the next few years, he will need a knee replacement in that leg.

And yet, my father has refused for four years to buy a riding lawn mower. My parents' yard is about a third of an acre. The yard is uneven, and miserable to mow with a push mower. I know. I've done it. When I was a teenager, Dad worked long hours, and sometimes he didn't get home til 9 at night. We had two push mowers, both old, as my father only bought used mowers. There was one place he bought mowers, and he'd spend maybe $25 and get a mower. My mom, sister, and I would mow the lawn after Mom got home, so that if Dad didn't have to work on Saturday we could have family time. He had one mower that I was the only one who could start it, so that was the one I used.

All these years later, my parents have still been mowing their lawn with a push mower. My mother has two bad knees (she's had surgery on both in the past), so neither of them needed to be doing all the walking. I asked four years ago to get him a riding lawn mower. I thought we could all pitch in and get it for his Father's Day, Christmas, and Birthday. My father wouldn't hear of it. Mom has brought it up every spring, and he kept telling her no.

This year, Mom shared her frustration with me. She said she wanted to buy one for him, and he said no. She was worried that he was doing more than he should. She worried that mowing the lawn was killing him. I worried it was killing both of them. My parents are relatively young, in their late 50's, but they are still at the age that they need to take extra care of themselves. When Mom told me how frustrated she was that Dad wouldn't let her buy a riding mower, I pointed out to her that she never let that stop her in the past. I gave her a couple of examples I could think of. In 1987, Mom wanted to buy a Ford. Mom had a Dodge 600 and Dad had a Dodge truck at the time. Dad was a 'Dodge Man'. Mom's family had always owned Fords or Mercurys. The problem, was that the Dodge dealer was in Albany. If the car had something wrong with it (and this car was borderline lemon, so it seemed there was always something wrong with it), Mom had to take a day off and go into Albany to get it fixed. Meanwhile, she drove past a Ford dealer every day on her way to work. Dad didn't want a Ford. Mom won that argument. She stopped at the Ford dealer and special ordered the car she wanted. She had brought home the books, and Dad chose the color (navy blue). But he didn't see the car until she pulled into the driveway. Then he said 'so that's what you bought'.

From that point on, Dad was a Ford man. Until Mom switched to Toyota a year and a half ago. He reluctantly went to the Toyota dealer, because he couldn't find anything on the Ford lot that he liked or that he had room in. Now both of their vehicles are Toyotas.

My father and I have always had a special bond. I can get through to him when others can't. So I know why Mom came to me. I told her that we had to TELL him he was getting a riding lawn mower, not ASK him if he wanted one. I knew he wouldn't be happy, but I also knew he'd get over it. I suspected that deep down, he knew it was for the best, but he didn't want to appear weak. When it comes to doing something for himself, my father can be very cheap. (That was one of his arguments against the riding lawn mower: it was too much money). He won't blink at how much Mom's Chanel #5 costs, or the price of Yankee tickets or race tickets. He doesn't bat an eye at the total at Carters or Osk Kosh when Mom's buying things for the grandkids. But try to get something for him, and he squeals. Earlier this year, he found a used one at his 'place' for $500, and Mom said he really considered it. But when they went back to get it, it was gone. That told me Dad knew it was time.

Mom talked to my brother in law, and asked his opinion. I think Mom wasn't sure what to look for, and that's why she hadn't already bought one. She talked to my brother-in-law, and he gave her some ideas. My sister was thrilled that they were finally looking at getting one. Soon the conspiracy included Mom, my sister and her husband, and myself. I have to say, it was a little bit fun conspiring against him!

Then it was time to tell Dad. We were planning to be near a Home Depot last Sunday, because Sydney's recital was in Albany. So Saturday night, Mom and I went downstairs to break the news to Dad. Mom told him "We're stopping at Home Depot tomorrow and buying a riding lawn mower." Dad, as expected, said 'No!' Mom calmly told him that she wasn't asking, she was telling. It was time they bought a riding lawn mower. He tried arguing about the cost, and we told him the cost was nothing if it saved on him & Mom. He tried to argue that mowing the lawn is how he gets his exercise. This argument was pretty weak, because Dad walks all over in town, he only takes the car if it's raining too hard. Mom told him that if he's soaking wet and exhausted after mowing the lawn, that's not good for him. Then we used the magic card- if you don't do it for yourself, or for us, do it for the grandkids so that you can be around to enjoy them grow up. Finally Mom told him to just accept it.

Sunday morning, he was reading the paper, and he said 'I have to check prices of something' and he started flipping through ads. I walked away, smiling. After we had dinner, Mom was driving, and she said 'how do I get to Home Depot from here?' Dad just smirked and looked out the window. So I had to think, because I knew he wasn't going to help her. If she wanted to do it, she had to do it on her own. I haven't driven in that area regularly for 17 years, so it took me a minute. Then I told her we had to go North on an interstate, but I couldn't think which one. That was all she needed, and she zipped onto the interstate. We walked into Home Depot, and a nice sales associate came to help us. Mom said 'Do not listen to that man. We are not leaving here until we buy a riding mower today.' The associate asked 'how big is your yard?' and Mom asked Dad 'is it a third of an acre?' Dad kept walking, that same smirk on his face. So I spoke up and told Mom she was right.

Dad did just as I knew he would. He started sitting on various mowers. He looked under the hood. He checked them all over. And then he asked the sales associate his thoughts. The sales associate recommended John Deere. I had to restrain myself. See, Dad worked for Caterpillar. So John Deere's are evil! I have been well trained. When we all laughed at the thought of Dad on a John Deere, I explained to the sales associate that Dad retired after over 32 years with Caterpillar, so we were trying not to get a Deere. Dad kept going back to a Cub Cadet. It seemed to take forever, but in reality, I know it took him less than an hour. Finally, Dad nodded at the Cub Cadet and said "I'll take this one." Years of worry left Mom's body with a loud, relieved sigh.

On the way home that night, Dad asked who was against him on this. I told him the whole family. He asked how long we've been conspiring against him. Mom answered "Over 36 years." The next morning Dad told me that Mom must be happy he had a new mower. He also said he had a new toy to figure out.

My brother-in-law picked up the mower in his truck on Friday, and brought it out to Dad. Mom e-mailed that Dad was able to get the entire lawn done in 20 minutes (it previously took closer to 2 hours), and he loved his new mower!

See, after all these years, he should know when to listen to us. Sometimes, all those women know what they are talking about!