I read an interesting column in the Sunday paper today. The columnist was given the challenge by a local author to write a letter to her sixteen year old self. I've been thinking about it since reading it, and decided to give it a try.
Dear Sixteen Year Old Amy:
Life is not perfect. Let me just go ahead and smash that bubble early. Life is a learning curve. I don't think you ever stop learning. I'm sure in 30 years, 65 year old Amy will have a lot to tell 35 year old Amy. Even the worst experiences are learning opportunities. Each experience, even the bad ones, helps to shape the person you are.
You will make mistakes. Another giant bubble smashed. Whether the mistakes are small like taking the wrong turn off the interstate, or huge like marrying the wrong man; it is important to acknowledge that you did make a mistake. Don't try to hide it, that only makes things worse. Stand up and say 'I made a mistake'. Then learn from it and don't repeat it.
I know you are eager to get out of Berlin, and out of New York. You were fortunate enough to grow up in one of the prettiest areas I've ever seen. Take time to enjoy the beauty of the rolling hills and dense forests. Sit and listen to the brook, the birds, the bugs. There will be a time, not too far away, that you will find yourself yearning to be back in this rural area. Pay more attention to the history of the area. New York plays a rich part in our American History. The writer in you should take note of the literary heritage that surrounds you.
It's ok to be smart. Your classmates will dub you 'Class Einstein' in your senior yearbook. Rather than bursting into tears that you will forever be labeled as the 'smart girl', embrace it. Looks and athletic abilities fade. Remember the words of your grandfather, "An education is something no one can take away from you".
Mom knows more than you think she does. Along the same lines, you don't know as much as you think you do. You will appreciate Mom more once you are on your own, trying to manage a job and house. As you watch your friends lose their mothers, you will cherish her more. You will ask God to give you a few more years with her. Like 50. You will take comfort knowing that no matter where you go or what you do, Mom is only a phone call away.
The teen years are awkward for everyone. I know you feel particularly awkward because you are tall, have braces, are smart and unpopular. Let me assure you, everyone feels just as awkward. Even those blond goddesses who seem to have it all together. You don't know what is going on underneath that facade. What you will learn about them later will surprise you, and make you realize how lucky you were to have loving parents and a nice home.
Be kind. I know you already are, but there's always room for improvement. Do for others. At the same time, don't allow your kindness to be mistreated. Don't allow people to use you as a doormat. There's a difference between being kind and being taken advantage of. The sooner you find this line, the happier you will be.
Spend more time with the elderly in your life. Again, I know you do this more than many of your peers. But I'm telling you to spend even more time with them. Talk to them. Find out what your hometown was like in their youth. Ask Grandma and Grandpa (both sets) to tell you about their childhood. Find out the family stories- all of them: the juicy ones and the dull ones like where they worked. Learn who built your house. Do not get bored listening to them. Soak it all in. Record the conversations if you can. In what seems like no time, your grandparents will be gone and you will still have so many questions which will never be answered.
Be true to yourself. Don't change yourself for others. It will make you miserable, and really, it's not going to make them like you any more. If someone doesn't like you for who you are, they aren't worth your energy.
You can tell a lot about a man by watching how he treats his mother. If said man tells you this theory is bogus, pay even closer attention to his relationship with his mother. Or anyone. His true colors will come out before long.
Finally, I know that right now, everything is a big deal. Getting an A on that test. The sleepover Friday night. Which of your friends has already been kissed, and wondering when is it your turn. But truthfully, in the course of your life, high school is just a little blip on the radar. What matters today won't matter next year. In five years, you won't even remember it. I don't know anyone who looks back and wants to go to high school again. It is merely the stepping stone to the next part of your life. So take a deep breath and remember 'this too shall pass'.
Love,
The Nearly 36 Year Old Woman You've Become
Some wise words there! My own letter to myself would probably be a whole lot shorter, something along the lines of
ReplyDelete"Dear Young Me,
there is so much I could tell you now, shedding light on questions that will inevitably invade your mind just thinking of your future, but where would the fun in that be? So let me just say this - nope, you won't die unkissed; yes, you will be a published author; and finally ... take better care of your teeth unless you want to get too cozy with the dentist's drill (I'd be very thankful if you did).
Hugs,
your kissed, published, dentist-weary Old Self"