Life Lessons

We didn't have pets growing up. Dad felt we weren't home enough and it wasn't fair to the pets. He was right, of course. Dad worked long, unpredictable hours and Mom worked 4o hours a week in another town. The time they had at home was spent maintaining the home and trying to have some family time. We also enjoyed taking vacations and going away. While I wanted pets, I don't feel that my childhood lacked for anything because I didn't have pets.

Except perhaps one thing. Because we never had pets, I have never had to deal with pet loss. That changed yesterday. We live next door to Erich's parents. It is a mixed blessing. But there are days that leave us saying 'this is why we live so close'. Erich's parents had a dog, Axel. He was some sort of a mixed breed. They said he was a lab mix, but he looked more like a lab/shepherd mix. Axel was a big dog, his head came to my hip. He was 15, and had been struggling a lot more. He's been blind for most of the past year. He was having a lot of problems breathing, and was restless at night, finally collapsing in exhaustion around 3am.

Erich's dad has always had Erich go with him to the vet. He couldn't bear to be the 'bad guy' on a simple office visit. Last month when they went to the vet, there was a new vet on duty. Mr. New Vet suggested it was time to consider euthanasia. Understandably, Erich and his father came home upset. Erich was upset at the lack of a bedside manner Mr. New Vet exhibited. His father was upset at the very thought. No more was said.

Yesterday morning as I was in the shower, Erich came in and said 'I'm going with Dad to have Axel euthanized.' I told him I was sorry, and then there was an awkward pause. I didn't know what to say. Erich left, I finished showering, and went into my room to finish getting ready for work. The beagles were crying and baying, as they always do when Erich leaves. But there was something more to their crying. It was more mournful, exposing a deep sadness. They knew. I stood in my room, half dressed, and burst into tears.

I cried off and on throughout the day. It wasn't the all out grief that I've experienced with human losses, but it was still grief. I was sad and my heart felt heavy. Things weren't any better at home. Erich had spent most of the day crying. His parents are heartbroken. His father really lived for Axel: eating meals with him, taking him for walks, making sure he was comfortable. We are worried about Erich's dad. His mom has other activities to keep her busy, but his dad really doesn't.

We've had a lot of somber discussions in the house the past couple of days. I didn't know what to do. When a person dies, you make food for those who are grieving. How do you comfort someone on the loss of their pet? Erich didn't know whether to let our dogs play in the yard or not. He didn't know if the sight of our dogs would upset his parents. He's spent a lot of time talking with his dad, trying to lift his spirits.

You know how you take your own mortality a little more seriously when someone close to you dies? Or someone your own age dies? I found myself doing that with the beagles. It forced me to look at their own lives. They are ten now. I want to have decades more with them, but I know that won't happen. I know our years are dwindling. It breaks my heart to think of that. I've been snuggling with them a little more, trying not to get irritated when Cobalt fetches every half hour to go out or Onyx barks at everything that walks past the window. I think how quiet the house next door is without that big guy barking.

Erich is concerned about his father's mood. I don't know what to tell him. I don't know if the way his father is acting is normal. I think of how I will feel when we have to make that decision, and I'm pretty sure I'll be devastated. My dogs are my children. In many ways, Axel had become that for Erich's parents since their children were grown and out of the house. Erich's family is not really religious, so telling them that Axel is running and playing over the rainbow bridge doesn't really seem to help. Erich said his dad was having doubts about his decision, and we agreed he made the right decision. He was the one who had to make that decision, not the vet, not Erich. I like to think Axel told him it was ok.

Letting someone you love go is different than letting go. That will take a lot longer. This is my first real experience with pet loss. I'm 35 years old and experiencing it for the first time. Yet I am also thankful that it is not a direct loss. Axel was part of the family, but he lived next door. He was someone else's dog. I know this can't prepare me for what I will face when it is mine. Still, it is something people need to experience. I just pray I won't have to face this for many more years.

Girl Things

There are times that I think perhaps my genetic code is broken. Or that maybe I was programmed a little wrong. Things that other women obsess over don't interest me. I don't get my nails done. I don't even paint my nails. I rarely wear makeup and hate having to put on heels. I am not into cute shoes. Purses are a necessity to carry all of my stuff, not a fashion statement. Recently I was reminded that I don't even like weddings. The ceremony part is great, but I'm not a dancer or a drinker, so the receptions are always kind of awkward.

Just as I think that deep down, I'm not truly a girl, the shopper in me comes out. I love to shop. One of my favorite things to shop for are household items. I have a weakness for decorative things for the house. Table linens are my biggest downfall. Then of course, you have to have the accessories. What's the point of having really nice table linens if you don't have napkin rings to match? My hope chest is filled with table cloths, placemats, cloth napkins and napkin rings. I have something for every season. The table always looks nice, even though Erich and I eat most of our meals in the living room.

Then we have the dishes. All these pretty table linens and the same old dishes day in and day out. It's depressing. I wish I had enough room in my house to have different dishes for each season. Or at least different dishes for fall and winter. I have a set of Christmas dishes. They aren't spectacular- just something inexpensive I bought one year at Wal-Mart. I have four plates, four bowls, and four mugs. If I have six people for dinner, I can't use the Christmas dishes. Fortunately, I don't often have six people over for a meal! I do have china. My father bought me a set of china when I got married. It was his special gift to me. He felt every girl needed her own china. It has dainty little pink and blue flowers on it. I have a complete set for 8- including a gravy boat and salt and pepper shakers. All of these 'special' dishes are in my china hut in the dining room. I should use them more often.

For reasons I can't explain, the other night I was browsing JCPenney's website, and ended up looking at housewares. I don't know how I got there. I was looking for slippers. I found myself looking at the 'holiday home' section. I love Christmas. It's almost time to put up the tree, so I've been in a Christmas mood lately. I started looking at the placemats and kitchen towels, and then somehow I was in the dishes. Chris Madden has a line of dishes out for fall. There were dark purple plates, a cornucopia centerpiece, and serving platters shaped like leaves. What really drew me in were bowls shaped like pumpkins and purple cabbage! Then I saw the gravy boat shaped like a leaf and I was hooked! I ordered one of each of the bowls and a gravy boat. They were 50% off, so I was thrilled. And then I found myself looking at Christmas dishes. I didn't like the ones JCPenney had, so I went searching on other websites. I found a pattern that I adore. It is homemade stoneware, made in Ohio of all places. But I'm going to have to save up for it. So this year, we'll be eating on the Christmas dishes from Wal-Mart.

As I was browsing around online, I kept thinking "I don't need anything". But I couldn't resist. My friend Birgit declared 2011 a year of frugality and has curbed her shopping significantly. All I can say is she's a stronger person than I am. In my defense though, I am NOT running up credit card bills. Anything I buy comes out of my account, so I know I have the money for it. And I buy when I get a great sale! I'm not always shopping, but when I do, I get the great sales.

I ordered new placemats from Kohls. They are square placemats that are ivory with cardinals and winter branches on them. They'll look nice with our color scheme in the dining room, and will be perfect for winter. I did not buy matching napkins or napkin rings. I also walked away from the 'silverware holders' shaped like turkeys and snowmen that Bed, Bath, and Beyond had. The silverware holders were super cute, but I resisted.

I think I've fulfilled my desire to buy pretty things for the house. At least for a few months. I am so excited about the pumpkin and cabbage shaped bowls and the leaf gravy boat. I am hosting Thanksgiving for my parents this year. These items are going to look great on my table. Especially with the fancy paper plates and napkins that I had previously bought for Thanksgiving! Haha! I guess that's back to the broken girl code.

Like Mommy

I have been very fortunate that both Sydney and now Drew weren't afraid of me when they were babies. Sydney always came to me without a problem, even though she only saw me a couple of times a year. Granted, Drew has seen me more in his first year than Sydney did in hers, but he isn't afraid of me either. He sees me and gives me a great big smile, and then reaches for me. I think this is a combination of factors. My sister and parents have always been very good about telling the children about Aunt Amy. They show the children my picture. I talked to Sydney on the phone before she could talk, so that she would recognize my voice when she saw me. I have done the same with Drew. I've been talking to him for months on the phone. But I think the biggest reason neither of the children feared me is because I look so much like their mother. We've always looked enough alike that you can tell we're sisters, but if you look closely, you can see that I look like Mom and Laura looks like the Primeaus. It used to be easier to tell us apart, even if my hair was long. I had the straight hair, she had the curly hair. That isn't the case any more. My hair is just as curly as hers, although no one can figure out why. So now I look a whole lot more like Laura. In fact, at the birthday party last week, one of Andy's best friends- the one who introduced Laura and Andy- called me Laura. Then he saw my face and realized I wasn't Laura.

Last Thursday, after collecting me at the airport, and having lunch; later in the afternoon we went to get Drew from Day Care. It was raining, and Dad was just going to go get him, but Sydney decided we should all go in. We walked into the room, and Mom called for her 'Pookie Bear'. (He's going to be about 6'6", a 300 pound linebacker, and my Mom will be in the stands screaming 'Go Pookie Bear!') Drew turned around and saw Mom, and his face lit up. Then I spoke to him, and he started grinning. He no longer wanted MeMe, he wanted Aunt Amy. I took him in my arms, and he snuggled right in against my neck. He is such a lover. He loves to snuggle.

He has such wonderful expressions. His eyes are the same deep blue that Sydney's were (her's have more of a hazel look now). He has the ability to look perfectly innocent and completely devilish at the same time. His eyes just draw you in- I could truly get lost in them. And when I see that good and bad expression on his face, I fall in love. He crawls now, so when we were at the house, I put him down on the floor to let him explore. As soon as he was on the floor, he turned around and pulled himself up using my leg, and wanted me to hold him. He was content right in my lap. If I put him down to walk into the kitchen or bathroom, he followed me just as fast as his little legs would carry him. Dad laughed and said 'He thinks you're Mommy'. I don't think that. Drew knows who his Mommy is. But I think he sees me as 'Like Mommy, so she's ok'.

Every time he saw me all weekend, he reached his arms out to me. He gave me a big smile and then settled in on my lap. I'm kind of inept when it comes to car seats. It is so much easier with Sydney, because she can get herself in and out of her booster seat now. Drew still has the five point harness, and I'm just all thumbs when it comes to those. At one point, I tried to get him out of the car, and was struggling quite a bit. He sat there and laughed at me, like I was the silliest person ever. Once he was free, he wrapped his arms around me and chattered happily.

He's such an adorable little boy. I know we shouldn't wish our lives away, but I can't wait til he's a little older and I can do special things with him like I currently do with Sydney. I know there will have to be times that Sydney and I go off to do girly things, and then I take Drew another day to do the things he likes to do. I see go-karts in my future. And bugs, I'm sure. Hopefully he won't find spiders interesting: I don't know how Aunt Amy would handle that!

Reliving My Childhood with Sydney

It is a well known fact that I spoil Sydney and Drew. Even though they have plenty of toys, I like to buy them each a toy for birthdays and Christmas. I buy them clothes. I do have a budget, and I usually stick pretty close to it.

The one thing I don't want is for Sydney and Drew to think it's all about money. I don't want them to love me because I buy them things. I do not want them to think money grows on trees, and there's a never-ending supply. That's one of the reasons I spend time with them and try to do things with them. I want them to understand that my coming home to be with them is much more important than the little something I put in my bag for them (and I've actually stopped this practice of bringing something in my bag for each of them. Sydney asked me about it this time. "What did you bring me?" I explained that I brought myself, and she didn't need anything more because she would have presents at her party.). I also don't want them to think 'doing something' translates to going to the mall and going shopping. Sure, that's fun to do, but we aren't going to do it every time.

There was an exhibit at the Bennington Museum that I wanted to see. It was a special exhibit of Grandma Moses' paintings, and others done in that primitive style. I have always loved Grandma Moses. I feel a special connection to her. She lived most of her life in Rensselaer County, and was discovered in Hoosick Falls- which is about 15 minutes north of my hometown. She has kind of a folk hero status in New York and Vermont. Her paintings speak to me. I can see my ancestors doing the same tasks depicted in her paintings. I get her paintings. And I have always loved them. I wanted to see this exhibit while I was home last week, but I was supposed to watch Sydney on my one free day (Friday). I talked it over with my sister, and she said she thought Sydney would like to go to the museum with me. I asked Sydney, and she was thrilled. I planned a whole adventure for us, one that would not cost a fortune.

We decided to pack a picnic lunch for the two of us. I did this because I knew my two options in Bennington were McDonalds (which I don't eat) and Friendly's (which would mean she wanted ice cream at lunch, and I was trying to avoid that). We bought things at the store and then Friday morning the two of us packed our picnic. She must have thought we were going for a long time- we packed three drinks for each of us. We also took fruit and cookies. I took a piece of leftover pizza from the night before, and she took a Lunchables. We borrowed a cooler from Dad, and took Mom's old table cloth. It had rained the night before, so I also grabbed a couple of old towels in case the picnic tables were wet. Before we took off, Sydney asked Dad to move her booster seat from the 3rd row in the Rav to the back seat. She wanted to be closer to me while I was driving. I love that my parents have a Rav 4, just like mine. I am finally comfortable driving one of their vehicles!

We couldn't have asked for a better day. It was in the 80s, but with a nice breeze. The sky was clear blue, filled with sunshine and white cottony clouds. As we drove the half hour to Bennington, Sydney and I talked. Somehow, we got on the subject of my Grandpa Wager, whom she calls Grandpa Lewie. Grandpa died in 2000, so he never met Sydney. But we have talked about him, and she has his picture. She wanted me to tell her stories about him. She listened carefully as I talked.

Our first stop was the 'Old White Church'. The official name is 'The Old First Church of Bennington', but we always called it the Old White Church. Until the roads were redone a few years ago and a bypass was built which means you don't have to go into downtown Bennington, the church was the first thing you saw in Bennington. Route 7 in NY becomes Route 9 at the Vermont State line, and it brings you right to the church. Before you turn left to go down the hill into town, the church stands in front of you big, proud, and glorious. To me, the church has always been the perfect picture of Vermont: a pristine white church, with a white picket fence on the side, and a lane full of sugar maple trees. In the fall, the trees are filled with orange, red, and yellow. The church dates to 1806. The first Sunday School in Vermont was held in this church. We frequently visited this church as little girls, and even as teenagers. You can drop in practically any time and tour the church. Services are still held every Sunday, and at Christmas they light the whole church with only candles. Someday, I'm going to have to go to the candlelight service, it has to be just so beautiful. My sister and I both always loved the church. Sydney likes to know what her Mommy was like as a little girl, and she is fascinated with church, so I thought this was a good stop. As we pulled up to the church, Sydney said in this kind of breathless voice 'oh, it's beautiful!' Yes, I feel the same way.

Walking into the church, I held her hand as her little feet maneuvered the giant white marble steps. I told her this didn't look like her church, but she still had to behave like it was. When we first walked in, the tour guide looked at Sydney with concern. Sydney proved to her that there was no reason to be concerned, just because Sydney is five. She behaved like a perfect little lady. She listened to the tour guide talk about the church, and we went into the balcony to see the side where the boys sat (and carved into the seats with their hunting knives) and then we went to the other side of the balcony to where the girls sat (and behaved like perfect angels, according to the tour guide). As we were walking out, Sydney spotted post cards and asked if I would buy her one. Of course! When we left the church, she once again said it was such a beautiful church.

We piled back into the car, and drove down the hill to the museum. Sydney was amazed by the beauty of the exterior of the museum too. We went in and bought our tickets. Well, my ticket. Children under 18 are free! Really! I think we'll be making a lot of trips there in the next 13 years.... We started walking through the galleries. She was very good: not touching things, talking in her inside voice. She asked a lot of questions, and I answered them the best I could. When we got to the 'Primitive Exhibit' that I wanted to see, she became an art critic. I'm not a person to stand in front of a painting and study it. I look at it, and move on. Which is very handy when you're with a five year old. Other patrons were studying the paintings, although the museum wasn't crowded. If Sydney saw a painting she liked, she vocalized it. If she saw one she didn't like, she let me know that as well. Sometimes she said "What were they thinking with this one?" I had to laugh! We liked the same ones, and disliked the same ones. One painting of Grandma Moses' was of a baseball game. Sydney liked this one the best. She said "Look! She painted the Valley Cats!" The Valley Cats are the minor league summer team in Troy. She goes to their games.

The museum had a lot of interactive things for her. I didn't remember those when I was a child, but maybe they've added them. There were areas for her to color her own pictures. Grandma Moses used to cut out pictures from cards or magazines that she liked. She was especially fond of Courier and Ives prints. Then she traced the picture into her own painting and filled in her own details. The museum had a station set up for children to do this, and Sydney made some beautiful pictures. One of the cutouts was of a toucan, and Sydney put it in the tree on the paper. As she drew her pictures, she made little stories about them. I let her take all the time she wanted. We weren't on a schedule, and I felt it was good that she was using her imagination. In the car gallery, she was able to design her own car. There was also an area where you could draw silhouettes. I drew hers first, then she drew mine. She didn't really understand that you were supposed to sit sideways and draw the profile. So she drew my face as a round circle. She put my crazy hair (her words) on, and gave me eyes and a nose and a mouth. When I looked at the picture, there were three dots on my face below my mouth. I asked her what the dots were, and she said 'those are your chins'. Then she instantly said 'oh, I mean, this one (pointing to the one in the middle) is your chin, and the other two are your cheeks'. Whew. Much better!!!

There was one room in the museum that she found fascinating, and I was surprised. It was the room commemorating the Battle of Bennington (which, by the way, was fought in HOOSICK, NY; not Bennington, VT). There was a 3D replica of the battlefield. She thought this was the most interesting thing. I tried to explain it to her, but how do you explain a pivotal battle of the Revolutionary War to a five year old? How do you explain the Revolutionary War, or any war, to a five year old? I promised her that when she studied it in school, I'd bring her back to the museum, and to the nearby monument, and to the battlefield. Our tour of the museum ended in the gift shop, of course. I bought a pair of earrings for myself, and a couple things for Sydney and Drew.

By this point, it was nearing 1pm and we were both hungry. We went to the car and got our picnic, then sat in the nice pavilion on the museum grounds. I spread the tablecloth over the table and we sat there eating our lunch, looking over the surrounding mountains. It was very peaceful, and very sweet to share a picnic lunch with her. Sydney thought it was great that I knew all these cool places to go. She asked how I knew about them, and I told her MeMe (that's what she calls my mom) used to bring her mommy and I there. The day was a complete success, and she declared that she'll go back to that museum and that church. She told everyone what a good day we had. It was a very cheap day (except for the gift shop) and we spent quality time together. It is something we'll both remember. In another year or so, Drew will be old enough to come with us, and I'll make special memories with him too.

That Old Battle

I've mentioned before that I have always struggled with my self-confidence. I've gotten better as I've gotten older, but sometimes those ghosts return, as they did this week. One of my cousins is getting married next month, and I've been worrying about what to wear. I haven't been to a wedding in a very long time. The last time one of my friends got married, I had a fibro flare and was in too much pain to go (something which sadly, seemed to destroy our friendship). I've tried to think of when the last time was that I was at a wedding, and honestly, I think it was my sister's wedding 10 years ago. And for that wedding, I was told what to wear. It was so much easier!

I feel like I've forgotten how to dress. Or what you are supposed to wear to a wedding. I have been stressing about this since my cousin got engaged in February and announced that she'd have an October wedding. Which is silly! After all, I'll be around family. They don't care what I look like. I'm not using the wedding as a way to meet guys like some women do. More importantly, everyone's going to be looking at the bride. So what does it matter what I wear?

My mom and sister were both talking of getting new dresses. Well, I like to shop, so that sounded like a good idea. But at the same time, I have a closet full of clothes. The racks which hold my clothes are actually starting to sag. It seems silly and wasteful to buy a new dress for this wedding. I wear jeans to work now, and I have plenty of clothes for conferences. I rarely wear dresses any more for anything. The practical part of me said 'you have something to wear'. I showed mom my options while she was here in April, and she agreed I have several very nice possibilities, and there was no need to go shopping. That was it. The issue was settled.

Until I went home last week, and my sister talked about the new dress she bought. In all fairness, she has a wedding the night before my cousin's wedding, and she had the one dress that wasn't black (we both agreed unless it's a black and white wedding, wearing a black dress isn't really appropriate). She bought another dress so that if she spills something on the first dress (which is a possibility given that she has two children), she still has something to wear for the second wedding. She forgot to show me her dress, but I have no doubt she'll look fabulous.

The other day, one of my younger cousins posted a picture of the dress she's planning to wear to the wedding. It's a very pretty raspberry color and fits her tall thin frame like a glove. It's gorgeous, and suddenly, I felt very old and frumpy. The outfit I had planned to wear is a raspberry colored skirt set. The skirt is long, which is what I prefer. I just feel like if you see me and her wearing the same color, you're going to see the young, beautiful woman. And I can't figure out why this is bothering me so much! I don't fuss over my looks. I spend a few minutes on my hair each day, sometimes I wear jewelry and even more rarely I put on makeup. I believe the woman I am on the inside is more attractive than the woman I am on the outside. I don't really get hung up on looks. So why am I fretting over something I will wear for only a few hours?

I looked online at all my old haunts: Kohls, JCPenney, QVC for a new dress. Nothing grabbed me. Then I went into my closet and reevaluated what I already have. I had a good talking with myself, and told those self-conscious demons to hit the road.

Last night, an old friend (and by that I mean she is a friend from junior high and high school, not that she is old) read my blog. She complimented me, and told me to get my book written, because she wants to buy it. It was so sweet it brought tears to my eyes. It's one thing for my family to compliment me, but when my friends do it (and she's not the first) and they believe in me, it's time for me to start believing in myself. Perhaps it's time for me to tell those demons who lurk over my writing to take a hike.

Aunt Amy Arrives

"Attention in the airport, Albany International Airport announces the arrival of Aunt Amy." It's a bit of a tongue twister, isn't it? I guess it's a good thing that they just announce the flight numbers. It always feels like I arrive with fanfare, though. This time, I was actually through the airport and to the area where you meet the people coming for you before my Dad and Syd got there. It was only a couple of minutes before I saw Dad coming up the escalator, and when Sydney saw me she ran into my arms. It seems the days of her hiding behind whomever brought her are over. And that's a good thing. Of course, over the past couple of years, I've learned a few tricks. If I arrive amidst a crowd of fellow travelers, Sydney gets spooked by all the other people. So when I get off the plane, I walk very fast to get ahead of people. It's a good thing I have long legs! I've also learned if Dad and Sydney are coming to the airport together, there's a very good chance she's going to need to use the ladies' room. Even though the airport has a 'family' restroom, Dad still freaks at the thought that he'll have to take her to the bathroom. Instead of stopping at the restroom by the gate, I wait and then take Sydney in with me near baggage claim. Dad lets out a big sigh each time! The last thing I've learned is to crouch down to her level when Sydney sees me. This provides for the best hugging experience. She runs into my arms and can wrap her arms around my neck (If I'm standing, she hugs my legs and I don't get the full force of her hug).

After our airport ritual, it was time for lunch. We went to Alexis, which is a diner that serves a wide variety of tasty food. Sydney decided to order spaghetti and meatballs. She had a pretty dress on, so I used napkins as bibs and tried to cover as much as I could. She made quite a dent in her meal, although she kept telling us she was eating worms! As we walked to the car (after another trip to the ladies' room to wash her face), Dad asked me if I wanted to go see Mom. We were supposed to pick Mom up in another couple of hours, so I said we didn't have to. But Sydney had also heard him, and she would not take no for an answer. She walked into Mom's office like she belongs there. Mom was surprised to see us, and as she gave me a hug, Sydney pulled out paper and colored pens and took over Mom's desk. She was very serious, and very busy 'working'. We had to pull her away, promising to color at her house.

Of course, once we got to her house, I was told 'Come in my room, Aunt Amy'. We had to play dollies. Remember when she used to play 'You're the honey'? Well, now instead of being the honey, I was the sweetie. She's always the Mommy. We only had about an hour to play, then it was time to go back and pick up my Mom at work. From there it was a mad dash to the grocery store, then to pick up Drew at daycare, and then back to Sydney's house. Before long it was time to go to Kay's for dinner. I thought this would be my last trip to Kay's for the year, but they are staying open longer this year, so I get to go again in October! Sydney insisted that I sit next to her at dinner. After dinner we went to get ice cream (the week before she told me we could get ice cream if I behaved, so I must have been good) but it was raining so we had to skip the miniature golf.

Then the fun truly began. She came home with us to Mom's to spend the night. No big surprise, she planned to sleep with Aunt Amy. I can't understand how a little five year old can take up all of a full-sized bed, but she does. At least this time she wasn't kicking me or strangling me. She kicked her legs over mine and felt that was the best way for her to go to sleep. She didn't want to sleep at first. I rubbed her back until she fell asleep. I used to do that when she was a baby, I would hold her in my arms and slowly rub her back. Once she was asleep, she was actually sideways in the bed. Traveling on small planes always aggravates my fibro, and I knew I needed room to stretch out. So I went into the computer room, which was my bedroom growing up. I didn't want to wake the whole house, so I tried quietly to move into the twin bed in the dark. First I banged into the doors between the two rooms. Then I kicked the computer chair with my foot, cursing. While trying to take everything off the twin bed so I could get into the covers, I picked up a toy of Syd's that has a jingle bell on it. I felt like a bull in a china shop! And yet, I found out the next morning my parents never heard me. I was so exhausted I slept until 8:30- which is really late at Mom's. Dad said when Sydney got up, she came downstairs with a worried look on her face. He asked her what was wrong and she said "I lost Aunt Amy!" She was very concerned about it, but Dad assured her I was fine, I was in the other room. When the phone rang, she came up to see if I was awake, and when she saw I was, she climbed into bed with me and gave me lots of snuggles. Then it was time to get up and play!

Thursday night, before we went to bed, Dad was telling Mom how Sydney had taken control of me at the airport. Dad said he didn't even get a chance to give me a hug. Sydney looked at him and said, "Well, hug her now!" as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She talks all the time, but sometimes the way she says things is just hilarious.