Spirits

Before I start this entry, I feel I should add a disclaimer. Some people might find this weird. Well, more weird than anything else I do!

My mom's parents are both deceased. Grandpa passed away in February, 2000; and Grandma followed in October, 2008. I know they are still with me, and I feel their presence all the time. Some days, it seems I feel them more than others. Today was one of those days.

I believe that a part of each grandparent lives on in the form of a bird. Maybe this goes back to our Native American roots. Maybe I'm just a goofball. But I really believe this. The day before my Grandfather died, I saw the most beautiful male cardinal outside my apartment. It was singing, and really trying to make sure I noticed it. The next day, the same cardinal was outside my window all day. Cardinals were my grandfather's favorite bird. I felt a sense of peace seeing this striking creature. Since Grandpa passed, I have had cardinals in my yard daily. Here at the Goofy Grape, we are up to about 10 pair of cardinals that live in our yard. They are at our feeder daily. Male cardinals tend to be territorial, but not the ones in my yard. Each one is prettier than the previous one. My mom often tells me she's never seen so many cardinals.

When I'm having a rough day, or going through a particularly tough time, a male cardinal will appear. Maybe he flutters beside me as I walk from my car to the office, or he sits outside my kitchen or bedroom window and sings all day. It always gives me a sense of peace. As if Grandpa is telling me, "it's going to be ok". Sometimes, I don't know what the message is supposed to be, but before long it will be revealed to me.

Grandma's favorite bird was the blue jay. Bossy, but beautiful. Before Gram passed away, we had the occasional blue jay at our feeder or in our yard. The day after she passed, this big blue jay sat at our feeder. It sat there almost all day. I could see this bird from the kitchen, the dining room, and both bathrooms. Now, I have four blue jays that live in our yard. They fly through the yard, their big wings spread as they glide from tree to tree. They play in the yard, chasing each other. And they yell. They will sit in the trees and yell at each other. Blue jays have a very distinct sound. I can't really describe it, but I know it when I hear it.

The blue jays have the same effect on me that the cardinals do; they soothe me. I feel that my Grandparents are close by, watching over me. Tonight, I came home and heard a jay. I looked out, and on our patio fence was a blue jay. It sat there, yelling, hopping up and down with every yell. I stood there for a few minutes, then went into the kitchen. I saw a flash of red swoop past the kitchen window, and I snuck back into the dining room. Just outside the window was a male cardinal. It was eating peanuts I had put out for the birds. He sat on the other side of the window and just looked at me. Every time he looked at me, I felt like I was looking at my Grandfather. As I stood there, sharing this moment with the cardinal, I saw something to my left. And there, on the fence, just a foot or two away from the cardinal was a blue jay. The two aren't often in the same place together. Then I knew there was a message. I don't yet know what the message is, but I'm pretty sure God has a message for me. It will be revealed in time. But I know not to fear, everything is going to be ok. He sent my Grandparents to tell me.