Blessings

It would be so easy to feel sorry for myself. Every day I battle pain. Some days it is an all over ache-like the flu. Other days it is random stabbing pain that comes and goes. It might be in my hands one day, and my legs the next. When I feel the stab of pain, it makes me stop what I'm doing briefly. Some days the pain gets the best of me and I give up. It feels like that happens a lot, but when I look at a year full of days, the pain only wins 20-25% of the time. So 75-80% of the time I just keep pressing on.

Many people with Fibromyalgia also battle depression. I am fortunate that my bouts of depression are very rare. When they occur, it is more feeling sorry for myself rather than being outright depressed.

I try not to ask questions like 'Why me?'. Ok, I was diagnosed at age 30 with a chronic condition that will plague me the rest of my life. A college friend died at the age of 32 from cancer. She left a husband and young family. When I think of that, the chronic condition doesn't seem so bad.

To keep my focus, I try to remind myself daily how lucky I am. I have been blessed in my life. I have a wonderful family. My parents are very loving and supportive, and we enjoy spending time together. My sister and I are great friends. I have a niece who adores me, and hopefully her brother will, too. My job may not be the greatest, but it does pay the bills. I can wear jeans to work, which is quite nice. Especially on the days that I feel lousy. I feel lucky to still have a job in this economy. So I try to remind myself it is better to have one than not. Sometimes I have to tell myself this several times a day.... *grin*

Perhaps my greatest blessing is Erich. He came into my life a few weeks before my Grandpa Wager passed away. I believe Grandpa sent him to me. I say this because he is a lot like my Grandpa. He is a very smart man. While Grandpa never went to college, he wanted to. He wanted to be a lawyer. Erich seems to be the perpetual student. He has five degrees so far, and plans to start his Bachelors of Nursing soon. Both Grandpa and Erich love to read. And Erich has a very dry humor, just like my Grandfather.

At least once a week, Erich does something to remind me how blessed I am. Three weeks ago I was rear-ended on my way home for lunch. Accidents are stressful times. I was at home, on the phone with my mom, and Erich came through the door with a bouquet of pink carnations. He had no idea what had happened, he just picked up the flowers. I started crying all over again when he came through the door, but those tears were more of a happy tear.

Sometimes the blessings are more subtle. It might just be seeing an amazing sunset. Then I think how lucky I am to have the vision to see it. Fall is a time of year that leaves me in wonder. Tucked around the bend can be another beautiful display of reds, oranges, and yellows. I love to drive around and see the color. It is a terrific time to reflect on the blessing of living in a climate where I can see this.

I probably sound a bit like Pollyanna. I guess I am. I don't run around telling people to look for the positive in things. It is more of a mental game I play with myself. It helps me keep things in perspective. Yes, the Fibro is annoying and sometimes it interferes in my life. But other people deal with far worse things. When I look at the big picture, my life is great. Sure, it could be better. Couldn't every one's? I am blessed, and so grateful for the good in my life.