Someone

Have you seen the Family Circus cartoons where Mom or Dad asks the kids 'who did this?' and all four children answer either 'I Don't Know' or 'Not Me'. And then, sneaking off to the side is a ghost child, with a shirt that says 'Ida Know' or 'Not Me' . We had that in our house too. Everyone probably did. Mom would say 'Girls, who used my shears?' and it wasn't me and it wasn't my sister. Mom would sigh and say 'It's that damn third kid running around here'.

You would think, since I have only beagle children, that there are no ghost beings in our house. Wrong! Ours is named 'Someone'. And apparently, Someone has a sweet tooth, and I suspect a bit of a weight problem. Either that, or we have a thief who breaks in only to eat our junk food.

I find it amazing that Erich has lost over 40 pounds in the past few months. He has no willpower. I have very little willpower when it comes to things like chocolate, and hence, I'm not a stick. I have curves. Had I lived in the 1950s or 1960s, I might have been a sex symbol like Jayne Mansfield or Marilyn Monroe. But size is just a number, like age. It's what a person is like on the inside that makes the difference. Anyway, my point is, we both like sweet things. The difference, is that I admit it.

For instance, if we have a package of cookies on the counter, I will admit I have succumbed to the temptation. Erich will look at the half-empty package and say 'Someone's been eating all our Oreos'. At first, I thought this was his way of accusing me. No, he's just admitting he can't resist them either.

Last week at the Apple Orchard he told me to get two dozen cider donuts after we walked through the barn smelling them for several minutes. On our way home we made a couple of stops, and I noticed that every time he opened the tailgate of the Rav, it became an excuse to eat a donut. When we got home he complained that they did not give us a full two dozen at the orchard, because several were missing. My response was that the Rav must have used the donuts for fuel.

Someone only shows up to eat our junk food. If I start to make a sandwich and discover we are out of turkey, Erich will say 'Sorry, I ate the last of it'. If the leftovers from the previous night's dinner are gone, he will say he had it for lunch. We're out of fruit, and he was the one who ate it. (Not that he eats all the food, but if I use up something, it goes on the grocery list). But if we're talking about cookies, candy, donuts, or ice cream-it was Someone.

It has become so common, I was telling a coworker about the donuts, and she thought I meant we had really been jipped by the orchard. I had to explain to her that 'Someone' is Erich's sweet-toothed alter-ego.

I love to bake, and I guess I prefer Someone eating and enjoying what I make to No One eating it. I just find it hilarious that Erich feels the need to cover his tracks this way. It's just another part of the circus that is my life. But it's a good life. Now if I could train Someone to do the house cleaning....