Mom and Dad taught us sometimes it is better to give than to receive. Christmas is my favorite time of year, but it is not because of the presents for me. I love to help others, to do things for others. I like to make people smile. That is one of the reasons I usually make cookies. Nothing brings a smile like a plate of cookies! I learned this from Mom, too. She would bake for a couple of weekends, then we would carefully wrap up plates full of cookies and deliver them. There were some seniors in our neighborhood and church, and Mom always remembered each of them. We would make up a fruit basket, and take the basket and the cookies to them. Some of the people were shut-ins, or had no family. Delivering the goods usually took a whole weekend, because they would invite us in and we would sit and talk. We did things for them year round, but Mom always felt good that we had been a bright spot in their Christmas.
There was one special 'family' I think of when I think of making cookies. This family consisted of a pair of identical twins, Pete and Paul, and Pete's wife, Betty. Everyone called her Aunt Betty. Pete and Paul were friends of my Grandfather's. They were older than Grandpa, but they had all grown up together. Aunt Betty used to work with my Grandma. Pete and Paul and Aunt Betty went to our church. Paul lived with Pete and Aunt Betty, and until the day Paul died, the 'boys' (as we all called them) dressed identically. They said they didn't plan it, they would each wake up and get dressed, and then leave their rooms to find the other was dressed just like them. Pete and Paul could also finish each other's sentences- you could be talking to Pete while Paul was in another room, and if Pete stepped out, Paul would step in and finish the conversation without missing a beat.
Pete and Paul were old men when I knew them. And yet, the only way I could tell them apart was that Pete always sat next to Aunt Betty, and he was the one who drove the others every where. If I ran into Pete and Paul on the street, I had no idea which one was Pete and which was Paul. They were very close family friends, they came to all our birthday parties and celebrations.Each year, at the beginning of December, Pete and Paul would show up at our house with their cookie tray in hand. Mom always found pretty decorative plates or trays for the cookies, and the plates and trays were part of the gift. She never expected to get them back. Pete and Paul kept theirs, and they would bring it back after Thanksgiving, asking for their refill. That's when we knew it was time to start baking.
As fun as the baking was, my favorite Christmas tradition is the Secret Santa. Mom and Dad had always taught us to be charitable. We were so fortunate, we should help others who weren't. I don't remember how old I was when we started doing the Secret Santa. I think I was around 10 or 11. My mom was working at a bank, and one of her coworkers was a single mother of two girls who were a little older than Laura and I. As Christmas drew nearer, she had confided in her coworkers that there would be no Christmas at her house. She didn't have money for a tree or presents. Her girls didn't even have warm winter coats. There would be no special meal on Christmas. She was truly struggling. Mom and the other coworkers talked, and Mom talked to Dad. Dad said we had to help her. The others in the bank pooled some money, and Mom volunteered to go shopping. Mom also decided Laura and I were going to go with her. She and Dad felt it was an important lesson we needed to learn.
Christmas at our house was always wonderful. Santa and my parents brought everything we asked for, and then some. There was always an abundance of presents; some might have said we were spoiled. To me, this is what Christmas was. I couldn't imagine someone going without Christmas. And when I did imagine it, it made my heart break. I wanted everyone to have the joy and happiness that filled our house on Christmas.
We bought presents for the girls, and picked out winter coats and matching gloves and hats. We bought stockings and filled them. We even bought things for their mom. Groceries and decorations were bought. It was all very thrilling- knowing this family would have a Christmas and would have no idea who did it for them. I felt 'this is what Christmas is about'. It was a wonderful lesson for my sister and I, and became an annual tradition in our family.
Each year after that, we found a family who needed help. One year it was a family in church with four young children, another year it was a farmer and his family in town who was in danger of losing the family farm. We would ask those close to the family what sizes the children wore, or what their interests were, and then we shopped. The shopping always included groceries- not just for Christmas dinner, but to get them through for a while. I don't think any of the families ever knew who did this for them. We didn't do it for the recognition. We did it because it was the right thing to do- to help your neighbor. Mom learned this from her parents too. Grandpa always kept a freezer full of food, and anyone in town knew if they were hungry, or didn't have enough to get through the week, they could go to my Grandfather and he would help them. For a while, we would find anonymous donations taped to the dryer. The money would be in an envelope, with a note to use it for 'x' family (the donor always knew the name of the family we were helping). We felt that we had our own secret Santa. One year, I saw my Dad's best friend, Lionel, leaving the house. I was upstairs, and he didn't think anyone was home. When I went downstairs, I found the money in an envelope on the dryer. (Mom's dryer sits in her back room, which is basically a mud room on the outside of the house, it is not actually IN the house) All this time, Lionel had been the secret donor. After that, he gave the money directly to my dad, but didn't want anyone to know he was helping.
Every year I looked forward to playing Secret Santa. It was always my favorite part of Christmas. I think it made me enjoy the season more. I know it certainly made me appreciate what I had. It is a tradition I have continued to some extent as an adult. While I do not have the resources to adopt an entire family, I always try to help a child or two. The thought of children not having a toy for Christmas fills me with a deep sadness. I found myself donating to Toys for Tots each year. Sometimes I would buy the toys and drop them off, sometimes I would send a donation. One year I helped a coworker who was also a good friend, and bought presents for her daughter because they were going through a rough patch. In true Santa form, I bought presents for the parents too. After work, I loaded everything into her car. She was speechless. Nobody had ever done anything like that for her. She kept insisting that she would pay me back, and it took a while for me to explain to her that it wasn't necessary. I told her to just pay it forward.
One year, I became the ultimate secret Santa. A friend's school and city had been decimated by Hurricane Katrina. When I thought of all those elementary children that would have no Christmas, I cried for hours. So I adopted the school, and with the help of friends and family (more than I could mention), we raised funds and had a small gift for each of the 300 students in the school. Although, the story took a sour turn when I found a church in Dayton that was sending a truck to the area with supplies. They agreed to take our items on the truck. I investigated the church, and found it was originally founded by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. The church came highly recommended, and I entrusted them to transport the materials. The leaders of the church actually stole the items, and decided to pass them out to needy children in Dayton instead. I was heartbroken, and embarrassed, because I didn't want my friends and family to think badly of me. The incident threw me into a deep depression. The police said it wasn't a criminal issue, and were of no help. I had to take comfort knowing what goes around comes around (and in the past year, it has. The former leader of the church is being investigated by the Federal Government for all kinds of theft, fraud, and criminal activity).
And yet, that horrible incident did not diminish my desire to help others. I continue to donate to Toys for Tots. This year, I've had to cut back on the donations due to our own 'fiscal issues' in the house. But I still feel the pull, and wish I could do more. Recently one of the television stations in Cincinnati held a fundraiser to buy toys for underprivileged children. The anchors read letters from children who were asking for something as simple as a football or a board game. My heart ached. When I visited Grandma in the nursing home, they have a wishing tree in the hall. The residents wrote what they would like. One resident asked for fresh tomatoes. I realized how very lucky I am. And I will continue to help others at Christmas. It takes so little, but means so much.
Love the Secret Santa idea!! I never participated in anything like this, but now I will consider it for next year.
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